Pinkeye, Pot Luck, and Fondue – A three part series.
My son had been with us just a few months when he awoke one morning with pinkeye. I said, “Oh baby, you might have pinkeye. We’ll need to try to make you’re eye feel better” He was quiet, and moments later he said, “But Mommy, I want my blue ones back.” We all know that pinkeye is fairly common. It is viral, bacterial, or allergy related, and may last several days. Still, it is something to attend to and when that happens, the eye heals. It returns to the eye it was created to be.
When I think of that morning, it reminds me of “why” we adopted a child. We simply wanted to be parents and we knew there were children out there that wanted parents. It is simple yet complex because it is a relationship. Recently, a friend has been insisting that there are too many people approaching adoption to fill their need to become a parent. She says this will not work and that they need to do it to save the children. I get that. Her point is that it is hard work and the children may not be appreciative. She is right about her reason for saying this. When people approach adoption to fill their need to become a parent without considering what the child brings they are at risk of a failed adoption.
Which reason, “to save a child” or “to be a parent,” is correct? Either way, we must keep in mind that it is about relationship and there are no successful one-sided relationships. One children’s adoption book that we own includes page after page of you needed… we had… you needed… we had… To me, that is one-sided. Like all other human-to-human relationships, both parent and child bring beautiful things and not so beautiful things to the relationship.
When a child has pinkeye, he needs a loving and nurturing adult to attend to that.
When a child comes to a family with a past filled with trauma and neglect, he needs loving and nurturing adults to attend to that. One minute they need a snack. Another minute they need to play. Another minute they need you to help them calm down. While attending to a child’s needs day in and day out, we grow in relationship. Children are not created to be alone and parents are not created to be alone. However, no one ever said that being together would be easy; that we would always be happy; and that we would always appreciate each other. A parent/child relationship, in which you are navigating life together, can be one of the most fulfilling.
Should people adopt to save a child, or to be parents?
Let me know your thoughts.