I was touched deeply by an article that a friend of mine posted during Thanksgiving and wanted to share more about it in today’s post. The article titled Grateful and Grieving was written by Angela Miller and was about the holidays and the particular grief of a mother that has lost a child. You can read the article, here. While, about the particular grief of a mother who has lost a child, I planned to expand on it and share the message with others:
For my Mom, who lost her son, Stephen.
For all women who have lost a child to death.
For all women who have experienced a miscarriage.
And, for all those who lose children but not to death:
Birthmothers who offer their child to another.
Foster mothers who lose a child they love.
Women who have experienced a failed adoption.
Infertile women who never carried and held their child.
And, for all children who lose their mother from an untimely death.
As so often happens, life has presented a different reason to write, a different perspective. I share my thoughts today, in deep sadness from yesterday’s loss of a friend who beat cancer but could not recover from radiation. My heart is heavy for all those who loved and cared for her, especially her two young children. My eyes and heart opened to the particular grief of a child grieving the untimely death of their mother. One of my friend’s daughters was adopted, and this brings up one of my greatest fears. What if something happens to me? As an adoptive mom, this is a magnified concern. My child has already experienced one of the greatest losses a child can face and there is no guarantee he will not face it again.
When he was young, we often listened to a song titled, Lullaby, by the Dixie Chicks. The lyrics ask, “How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, Is forever enough?” I always told my son it was a special song from Mommy and God to him. I wanted him to hear that we are a forever family and that we would never leave him. I knew I could do everything in my power to make that happen in this life; I could not promise forever. That is God’s promise for all of us.
My only source of comfort for my friend’s daughter, my son, and all adopted children is in my faith in God’s “forever home.”
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.
For this, we can be grateful and for our loss, we can grieve. If you or someone you know has suffered a loss, like that of losing a mother or child, remember this advice from Angela Miller as we journey through this holiday:
When you see me this holiday season, pull up a chair beside me, and open wide your heart and ears to the truth of my experience. At first glance it might appear that I seem ungrateful, but I beg you, look again. The depth of my gratitude runs deeper than you know, for I know more than most how quickly my greatest blessings can be taken in an instant; I know the immeasurable pain of being robbed of my greatest joy. (“Grateful and Grieving” by Angela Miller November 17, 2015, A Bed For My Heart)
My pastor recently said that God doesn’t have any grandchildren because we are all his children. My Deacon sister and precious child of God, you are now in your forever home. I will miss you.
Amy Bezecny, MDiv
Adoptive/Foster Care Fellow, Hope and Healing Center & Institute
If you have suffered the loss of a child, please consider joining us for on February 27th for Journey of the Heart with Kay Warren. Click here to learn more and register.